Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just invented taco cereal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
