If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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