No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
