If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the day after is always just damage control
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sober January is a disaster.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
