An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
