Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
