i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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