I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
