I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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