I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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