The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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