he thought i was a dude.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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