I will die if light touches me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How naked do you want me to be?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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