I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need moral support for this bender
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I want is dick and wine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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