hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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