I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
