I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
