Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
