I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
