This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
