A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
