Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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