I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
