what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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