From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
