she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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