I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
