is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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