Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
