i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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