so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
