508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
