Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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