we're blogging at a bar
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
