I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
