whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
