Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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