What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
