I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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