Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my phone needs a breathalizer
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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