please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
