I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
