You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
