Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize