plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
