Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
