I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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