I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
