i barfeds in our rink
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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