Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
