After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
