Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
