I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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