she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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