The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
