I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Farmville is her only friend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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