dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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