well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
