I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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