OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
