Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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