new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
