I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
