I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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