My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
