the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
