I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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