He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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