I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
