wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
