Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
