someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
