I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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