can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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