last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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