shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish there were birth control emojis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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