The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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