so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize