naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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