i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
